I'm in quite a predicament, you see. I've managed to convince everyone of my reasons for leaving, everyone except myself. On the surface I see it as an opportunity to further my education or whatever crap I'm telling people these days. But if anyone was to dig a little deeper they would see the truth. I'm doing it again, running away. This time however, I'm not trying to find my "Great Perhaps" I'm just trying to get away from what was supposed to be. Trying to run away from the promise I was given, the promise that broke. Shattered into a million pieces, but I still can't face the truth. I can't even try to pick them up because I can't bear to look at them. It wasn't supposed to be this way, this wasn't supposed to happen. And when I finally realized there was no hope, was when I realized I didn't care, and I was never going to. Maybe I have too high expectations, maybe I built this up to be something it never could. But shouldn't it at least come close? Shouldn't there be something or someone trying to keep me here? It seems like everyday is just one more reason this place isn't my "Great Perhaps". The smallest things holding me back are fading fast and I don't think I will be able to last without them. The problem is I don't care. And without caring I have no fear of losing anything. Without the fear of loss, making this into anything remarkable is going to be impossible. Now I don't know if its because I'm good at acting or because the people I know don't care enough to stop and say anything, but how can it be that all of these terrible thoughts can occur in my head, but never make the slightest appearance anywhere else. Nothing makes sense anymore. It's like I'm losing faith in the real world, but maybe it never existed, maybe there is no real world at all.