I dont belong here. This isn't my life. But I did a damn good job of shutting my old one out. So now I just don't know what to do. I feel like I keep trying to force emotions onto myself, but the truth is I really don't have many at the moment. I don't know why I have the urge to cry all the time. I don't know why I wear a smile when I'm simply not happy where I am. You know why the fuck does everyone need to like someone. I mean I'm still in love with you, but as I've said countless times before I'm in love with what you were and what I like to pretend you still are rather than what you really are. You know I'm sorry I told people about us. People here, but really people in general. I should have kept it a secret that only the moon and the sun and the stars would know. And then maybe a few years down the road you would come running back here. And you would say you needed me and I would say I was sorry for all of the things I had done to you. And then we could go off and be together. And then maybe I would be happy, whatever that means. But if I never told anyone there would be no reason for you to come running back because you might still be here. And I wouldn't need you to tell me you needed me because I would already know. And there would be no reason for me to say I was sorry because I never would have messed up in the first place. I feel like never talking about you to anyone but myself ever again. What happened with you is too fragile to try to explain to anyone who wasn't there. I'm sorry I ever brought it up, you don't deserve this.