Its like coming back after getting lost at sea. Or moving to the small town you grew up in. Or seeing him after years of separation. I can see the light but for some reason I won't let myself touch it. I won't let myself be happy. I haven't been in so long and I really don't think I know how to be. I might be that I don't believe its real. It could all just be a lie and sooner or later my life will come crashing down again. So I don't want to get my hopes up for something that won't last. I don't know what to do anymore. Because I can't trust anyone here. Nobody knows everything. And I want to keep it that way. Because if they all begin to figure it out and unravel my tale, there will be nothing left to tell. I feel as if my whole life has been planned out for me before it has begun. And every thing is changing before it could even be. Why does it all have to move so fast? I've got less than four years left. Just counting down the days until its over. I can't stop even though thats the only thing I'm wishing for.